Gasp! What is that sound? That gentle thrumming? The hint of a meow, following by the tiniest of localized thunderstorms. A-ha! The purring of a kitty, rolling over on its back, gently waving out with its paws. The trap has been set! How many times has it happened where you see an adorable cat, stretched out and basking in the sun, it’s fuzzy little nubsy tum-tum calling out to you like fire to a moth. ‘So soft!’ you think and you know that you’re not only right… but also about to die and very possibly unleash a cat-astrophe upon the world. That fuzzy kitten is made of equal parts cuddles and claws and, like a Jack-in-the-Box of doom, one never knows how many squishes and scratches we can dare before the terror is unleashed…

But, to what lengths will these dangerous beasts go? We can see the apocalypse now: feline domination everywhere… beams of fiery lasers coming from their eyes. Nothing is sacred to them… for their tum-tums were touched for two seconds too long! Oh, the felinity of it all! They will destroy everything you hold dear, especially the Christmas gifts under the tree that mankind has too long told kitties were supposed to leave alone. Disaster awaits and you can warn humanity of this terrible fate with this Laser Cat-zillas Ugly Christmas sweater. Speak of our future. You are our prophet and only salvation. If nothing else, it is warm and fuzzy… so maybe you will be able to resist the terrible tum-tums.